Fantasy Cliche's

There are so many fantasy books out there, that authors sometimes struggle to find original plots and ideas to fill the pages. While many are absolutely brilliant, others follow the same trend and lack the originality and skill to pull it off. So I present: 1,000 (ish) words about fantasy cliche's. A bit of a rant, honestly.

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Hmm where to start? Let's go with a few phrases that crop up just about everywhere.

"And everything went black." Whether poor little Timmy hit his head and passed out, or was drugged by an evil panda, everything going black is a pretty common occurrence. It has lost its drama and mystery - we all experience 'everything going black' every night when we go to sleep.

"He looked deeply into her eyes." OK. Sure. You want to fit in a characters eye colour? You want a little romance? Want to get your characters to get closer? Fine. But if all the male characters are constantly looking into their romantic interests' eyes, then we will have a band of heroic opticians in our lives instead of brave adventurers. Is the girl always powerless? Do we always look deeply and intensely? Do men always look at a lady's eyes? I think not!

"Trust me." Whether the other character does or not is irrelevant. We know, as soon as someone says 'trust me' that they know what they're doing. Particularly if the two characters have known each other for a few years, shouldn't they have gained that trust already? Alternatively, as a reader, 'trust me' is a signpost that everything is going to turn for the worse, thanks to this very character.

"Dragons aren't real!" A lovely heartfelt exclamation that some thing, race or person isn't real, doesn't exist. Well guess what the book will contain? Yes, that obscure, mythological badger-wombat-snake-pelican hybrid you so adamantly refused to believe. Joy oh joy. Try naming that! Pelisnadgake?

Now, moving my on from phrases, let's look at descriptions and actions. Ooh goody.

'He looked into the mirror and saw brown eyes staring back...' OK. Let's be honest. How many people look into their bathroom mirror and observe every detail? A character causally strolling past a mirror they see every single day isn't going to pause and take stock for a moment while they run late for their appointment. A mirror might show what a character looks like, but can writers please stop posing their characters in front of reflective surfaces just to shove a description in ? Thank you. Sincerely, the mirror.

Speaking of physical descriptions, 'fiery redheads'. Yes. Any redheads who aren't fiery out there? Oh look, they do exist. And I am referring to the personality trait, not the colour adjective. Just because you have red hair, you don't have to be fiery! Sure, it means you may be pale skinned and burn easily. Sure you get teased and called Carrots (Anne of Green Gables). But you don't. Have. To. Be. Fiery.

Prophecies. Oh boy. If you say anything about what may happen, you feel obliged to place a spoiler alert, yet you put in a prophecy that in depth describes the entire FREAKIN STORY? Similarly, if we've followed the story of John and Sarah, then we hear about how 'a boy and a girl will buy a hamster', guess what? John and Sarah you better start thinking of names as you two are clearly the prophesied people - how convenient that it was told to you! Now I'm not saying that a well-placed, mysterious prophecy doesn't enhance a story and add intrigue, but many books seem to use one in place of a blurb, or just for the sake of it.

Dreams. Alright. Another way of writers showing off and playing with foreshadowing. But really, most of the time we don't remember our dreams, and certainly don't remember the seven average dreams we get every night. Sure a one off vivid dream is fine, but let's stay in control of our dreaming heroes before we have to start frisking for hallucinogenics, right? Again, people do dream and dreams can sit really well in a book. But they very quickly get tiresome when heroes get prophetic visions every time the close their eyes.

Next, characters. Yes the main people who we learn to love, or hate. The ones we're stuck with all book long.

That weird old man who always shows up when something strange is happening. No one knows exactly how old he is, or when he arrived. But sure enough he always appears with words of wisdom for our hero. Thanks man. Really though, the cloak, staff and long white beard is getting tiresome. He also has a habit of being a wizard - possibly channeling their inner Gandalf. Often combined with being the hero's mentor, who gets killed to give him that revenge drive. This is why not many people are retired in fantasy worlds.

Our good friend the rebel or outcast, who is handsome yet permanently grumpy. Doesn't talk much, is an impressive fighter and generally frowns and scowls a lot. He'll come through and save the day (without overshadowing the main character, of course), but don't expect a rousing love speech from this chap.

The female healer, at one with nature and just too innocent. Always there to patch up our hero, oh and maybe fall in love too.

The experienced warrior who is gruff, drinks a lot and is generally indestructible. Great to help and advise our main character through a rough patch but inevitably unavailable when the bigger issues arise.

Oh the twins. Sad times right? One will die. It's a curse I believe. One might even betray the other and be evil whilst the other remains good!

Characters in hoods. Male, female or whatever. Some strange and mysterious character will probably turn up in a hood. Even the main character.

Now, our hero. Our poor, precious protagonist. Troubled past, possibly no parents. Funny eye colour, hair colour or other distinctive mark such as a tattoo or scar. Starts off as a lowly servant, sheepherder or just a nobody. Not many friends and blissfully unaware of the world so us readers can learn the lore and culture alongside this person who really ought to know it all already. The chosen one who is going to fix everything, fulfill the prophecies, fall in love and be the ultimate hero. Never quite fits in with society and will never fail to defeat the bad guys evil plots, leaving us readers content in the knowledge that this world will indeed be saved.

This leads on to our villains. These poor targeted people doomed to fail. Often evil purely because they are... Well... Evil and that's all they are, right? We're either good or bad and no in between here. Usually having been betrayed by a relative or friend, their sole purpose is power or revenge. Sometimes a relative of our hero. Occasionally insane, they have plans that seem foolproof until our hero, who is usually dimwitted or just plain unobservant and lacking common sense comes along and brilliantly outsmarts them, before anyone else better qualified manages to find a solution.

We mustn't also forget the memory of the sacrificial characters. The unfortunate soles who only exist to be killed or wronged, to spur the hero into saving the day. The sister, father-figure, teacher. They fall prey to the villain and when the hero has lost their conviction, they manage to find the will to continue because of this key character.

Women are completely pathetic and sit in far away castles waiting for rescue, act only as figureheads for an army or are used, abused and sacrificed. ALTERNATIVELY, women are completely overpowered and will cut down any guy that looks at them, have been wielding a sword since they could blink and drag the main character out of trouble time and time again. Unless they are the main character. That sometimes happens. But please, could we have some normal women? Girls who aren't at either end of the spectrum but someplace in between?

Lastly, some recurring odds and ends that could probably have been sorted into the previous sections if I'd tried a little harder. Oh well.

The final battle between the lands is never an army - it's a one on one battle. Once the leaders falls, no brave strong soldier or second in command steps up. Nope. If he failed, I'll fail. End war. I mean, that's what happened in our history right?

Further on from this, the elite city guard that isn't. Decade long training programs from which only the best swordsmen/women are selected, yet they never mange to defend their city successfully. On the other hand, out main character seems to be naturally talented because from nothing he can defend a large proportion of the townsfolk?

Similarly, the bad guys dark minions are idiots. Trick 'em, hit 'em and kill 'em. Easy.

Another point - it's funny how everything in the world suddenly fixes itself. I mean, after the war, saving the princess or finding your way home everyone forgives you for any wrong doings. Society is better. That mean bully is a new person. Magical!

The good guys wear white, gold, silver, blue or elf green. I mean, for fighting, white is clearly practical, magic can take care of bloodstains, right? Their cities and castles are beautiful and elegant with flags and markets and banners and all sorts of lovely additions. The bad guys wear black, black, blood red and black. Because they're bad, okay? Furthermore, they spend all their time plotting invasions, so they don't have time to decorate their black impregnable fortresses, and colourful banners and music festivals are a no go, sorry.

Entire races are good or bad. Unlike our modern day world, races are united in one viewpoint. Their leaders, good, bad or indifferent have achieved something our Prime Ministers, Presidents and the like cannot. Elves are good (unless they're dark elves, whole different race then) and are fond of nature, orcs are evil and hate all other species unitedly. Humans are usually just good at existing everywhere, oppressing and offending all other races. Oh well. We have to be good at something, I guess.

Magic is limitless, able to kill hundreds at a time when abused, but can't kill the villain. That's unfortunate. Or, magic is pretty weak and is more of a party trick for lighting torches. Again, unfortunate. Or even more annoying; magic is super-powerful and helpful, but the rules vary depending on the situation, so no, the main character can't just teleport into the bad guy's chamber. Unfortunate.

Thick fog, dark forests. Winding roads and thunderstorms that have an impeccable sense of timing. It's amazing how our characters hardly sleep, never really visit a restroom and make some journeys in a very long time yet equal length journeys take no time at all! That poor dragon stationed in the cave - do they even like dark damp caves?

There are so many more points I'd like to address, but I think this rant has gone on long enough. So there you go, a not-so-brief look into my least favourite fantasy Cliche's. And who knows, maybe there will be a sequel using the same characters just a few years older that go on a completely unrelated quest where at least on of them dies. Or just a forced sounding sequel that really didn't need to exist and actually spoils the first.

Check out this 'cliche-o-meter' to see if your story has cliche's, or for a gander at some other's I didn't get round to!

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